The Many Faces of a Narcissist

Are they a Narcissist? Or are they not?  We think it's that simple, but in reality, it's not.  Not only is it actually hard to spot one, there are various types of Narcissists.  So, in this blog, I'm going to go over the different types. 

• Classic/Overt : Ego, ego, ego!  That is this guy...  Typical Narcissist, control is a must.  You must do everything     they say, never question them, never confront them, they will turn it around on you. 
• Introverted : While they might have grandiose fantasies and can be highly skilled or talented, this is rarely shown because they have a lack of self confidence, they feel very incapable and inadequate. Will avoid all responsibility.  Because of this they will rarely accomplish much in their lives.  This Narc is also co-dependent, they seek relationships with those they can be dependent upon, like Classic Narcs.  
• Cerebral : Grandiose to the max, they are soooo much better, soooo much smarter, and sooo much more talented than anyone else.  They are always right, never wrong, and when they are wrong, they are right.  No matter what story you have, they have an exact one that is more "better" than yours, they've been through it too, but waaaay worse than you.  They have a distorted view of reality, but love to give advice!
• Somatic : Instead of using their intelligence like the previous example, this one uses their body.  Very lustful, they think they are "Gods".  Always has multiple sex partners, this is very normal.
• Covert : Very dangerous, they hide who they are, work behind the scenes.  Also known as Malignant Narcs.  This type of Narcissism is more common in females than males.  This type of narc is an expert as gaslighting, and other forms of manipulation.  This type will draw a person into their live, and suck them dry, emotionally.  Once this person is emotionally drained, the Narc then destroys their identity.  Through abuse, black mail, manipulations, etc...  anyway to control their victim.  Secret affairs, and one night stands are common, everything is done secretly.
• Elite Narcissist : Highly successful, concerned with wealth, material items, power, money, etc.. Not only are they wealthy, but they use highly manipulative and deceptive ways to destroy their victims.  Possible shady dealings, covered by a legit business.  Based on their deception they have built a false self, a false life, over many many years.  If you challenge their fake self, they will eliminate with no empathy.
• Narc-Psychopath : As it sounds, a Narcissist and psychopath, with traits from both.  It is important to note, that not all psychopaths are narcs, and not all narcs are psychopaths.  Highly manipulative, lack of empathy, does not care about laws, or others, etc.  Fits all types.

When looking at all the different types of Narcissists, it's easy to see how there are so many Narcs out there, and why we keep running into them.  I have met families of Narcissists even.  There really is no way to eliminate running into one, or developing a relationship with one (friendship or intimate), the only thing we can do is know the signs, and get out as soon as we recognize them.

I'd also like to state, that just because someone seems like a Narc, or fits the symptoms, does not always make them a narc... please be careful throwing that accusation out.  :D













Information found on: 
DSM5
http://sparkster.hubpages.com/hub/Various-Types-Of-Narcissist-NPD-Narcissistic-Personality-Disorder-Malignant-Self-LoveNarcissism

Not a Narcissist?!?!?!

Ever come across someone who's just put a huge dent in your life, in a negative way?  Taken months and years to recover from?  Tried to find answer, to figure out why did this happen???  One word jumps out a lot, that helps to explain to use why things happen.  The horrid Narcissist...

Lately I have seen this word thrown around a lot.  And it's got me thinking...  I hear the stories, the behaviors, and there's either one of two things that come to mind.  They are or they aren't.  It's really easy to try and diagnose someone just by a few webpages, or some articles online.  But are they really a narcissist?  or are they just a really big douche bag???

How can you tell?  Well, most people look up diagnostic information.  The DSM is the bible pretty much in diagnosis.  And most all have found information from it online.  It's really easy to see the diagnostic criteria and point to someone.  However, just because they fit some of the criteria does not make them a Narc.  Just because someone is a complete jerk, abusive, or egotistical doesn't make them a Narc either.  

Here is what the DSM5 states on NPD:

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of 

empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five 

(or more) of the following: 

•  Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements). 
• Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love. 
• Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions). 
• Requires excessive admiration. 
• Has a sense of entitlement (i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations).  
• Is interpersonally exploitative (i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends). 
• Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others. 
•  Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her. 
•  Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes. 

Now, some people might look at this, and be able to mold someones behavior into these categories, however, you wont have to mold, you wont have to look, you wont have to try and fit.  It is not something that happens occasionally, it happens constantly!  Not rarely...  but all the time.

Another is a person must meet at least 5 of the above mentioned.  However, just because someone meets 5, heck or all of them, does not necessarily make them a Narc.  It must be "pervasive".  

Doctors always tell us, do not diagnose ourselves with sicknesses or diseases, to leave it to the professionals.  The same goes for mental/personality disorders... don't diagnose yourself or others.  While it might help to give us answers, not everyone we dislike, or fits some of these criteria is a Narc.  And going around throwing that word around does nothing but pervert the meaning, and the struggle that those who've had the unfortunate luck to be involved with with Narc has gone though.  If you think you've been involved with a Narc, then I am truly sorry.  I have been there, and it is horrid!

Another important aspect to remember, is that NPD is usually followed with comorbid personality and mental disorders, and as the person gets older the problems worsen.  Usually also combined with an addiction of some sort.

I know this is tough for some read, and some are probably thinking "OH what do you know, you don't know them, I KNOW..."  But it was something that NEEDED to be written.  We must take a step back, and see things logically to heal ourselves.  

Remember, not every douche bag, is a Narc...  but some are!  

So how do you recognize a Narc???  How do you know if your ex - BF, GF, Friend, family member, etc was a Narc?  The fun part, you don't really know for sure :/  Unless an actual therapist diagnosis them, there really is no 100% way to know.  

If you think you have encountered one, get into a support group.  There are some amazing ones online!!!  If you run into someone your pretty sure is a Narc, RUN THE OTHER WAY!!!  Work on yourself, and leave them in the past!

Update - After the Boundaries

Sorry it has been a long time sense the last post...  with dealing with a graduate degree, practicum, and life, things got crazy busy...  But felt it was time and much needed...

The past few months have been really crazy busy...  and a LOT has changed...  when I think back on the past few months, past couple years it seems crazy how much has changed and where my life is...

Of course, if we all sit back and think about it, a lot has changed for us all.  During the most recent months I've really started to reevaluate things, situations, people, etc...  I've come to realize that I am a magnet for Narcissists, and Sociopaths...   I've also come to realize that there are specific people that this happens to, and a lot of people I know this happens to.  So I wanted to write up an update, how things have gone sense I put up some healthy boundaries, in the hopes to encourage some of you :)

It happens to those who are the most caring, most loyal... those who wear their hearts on their sleeves...  We tend to open ourselves up to these people, to let them come in and violate our personal boundaries...  and we NEED to put up these boundaries...  (Previous post on building personal boundaries).  Well I put up some boundaries, and here is update :)

When I put up those personal boundaries I have noticed that I don't hear from a lot of people no more.  I don't go out as much as I used to.  I don't see people like I used to.  And while it hurts a lot to know they weren't true friends, because true friends would respect those boundaries, I know it is for the best.  We all must remember this.  When your sitting home, remembering good times, feeling sad, and lonely...  don't contact!  If they really cared, they wouldn't let days, weeks, months go by without checking in.  I've realized that I am the one who does it all.  Friendship isn't one sided... it goes both ways, please remember that, and don't let people take advantage of you.

I've looked back on other previous friendships, and realized that these people were very negative, and not healthy relationships what so ever!  They were fake!  I am so happy to be free of that negativity.  The majority of friendships gone are that of Narcissists, and sociopaths...  and I don't mean they fit one or two of the criteria for those disorders, they fit dang near all of them!!!!

Now that I see it, I feel like my eyes are open... I don't understand how no one else see's it?  Are they blind to it?  Do they see it but allow it?  I am not sure...

I just know, that while at times things hurt...  it hurts to be replaced, ignored, passed over, left behind... sometimes it's for the best.  Because if they were real friends, if they really did care.  Then no amount of healthy boundaries would have changed anything.

If you even doubt someone a little, it's time to reevaluate things.

To be healthy yourself, you must put up those boundaries, if everyone leaves, fine, let them, they aren't worth it!  Make some new friends.

I know this sounds pretty rough... but on the positives, I am have been more stress free!!!  My anxiety has dropped, and I am happier most times now.  At first it was rough, I got lonely, still do, I remember all the good times, and it hurts, really hurts... but then I think about the type of people they are, and I remember I don't want that in my life, and I'm better for not having in there!  I am enjoying the small things a lot more now :)

I'm going to cut this update short, and start working on a few more topics :)  I hope you all have been well, and I hope these words of encouragement help you through your journey. While it is hard, it is worth it!!!  Keep moving forward, one foot at a time!  Self-care is NOT selfish!  It's a necessity!