Lately I have seen this word thrown around a lot. And it's got me thinking... I hear the stories, the behaviors, and there's either one of two things that come to mind. They are or they aren't. It's really easy to try and diagnose someone just by a few webpages, or some articles online. But are they really a narcissist? or are they just a really big douche bag???
How can you tell? Well, most people look up diagnostic information. The DSM is the bible pretty much in diagnosis. And most all have found information from it online. It's really easy to see the diagnostic criteria and point to someone. However, just because they fit some of the criteria does not make them a Narc. Just because someone is a complete jerk, abusive, or egotistical doesn't make them a Narc either.
Here is what the DSM5 states on NPD:
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of
empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five
(or more) of the following:
- Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements).
- Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
- Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).
- Requires excessive admiration.
- Has a sense of entitlement (i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations).
- Is interpersonally exploitative (i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends).
- Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
- Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.
- Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.
Now, some people might look at this, and be able to mold someones behavior into these categories, however, you wont have to mold, you wont have to look, you wont have to try and fit. It is not something that happens occasionally, it happens constantly! Not rarely... but all the time.
Another is a person must meet at least 5 of the above mentioned. However, just because someone meets 5, heck or all of them, does not necessarily make them a Narc. It must be "pervasive".
Doctors always tell us, do not diagnose ourselves with sicknesses or diseases, to leave it to the professionals. The same goes for mental/personality disorders... don't diagnose yourself or others. While it might help to give us answers, not everyone we dislike, or fits some of these criteria is a Narc. And going around throwing that word around does nothing but pervert the meaning, and the struggle that those who've had the unfortunate luck to be involved with with Narc has gone though. If you think you've been involved with a Narc, then I am truly sorry. I have been there, and it is horrid!
Another important aspect to remember, is that NPD is usually followed with comorbid personality and mental disorders, and as the person gets older the problems worsen. Usually also combined with an addiction of some sort.
I know this is tough for some read, and some are probably thinking "OH what do you know, you don't know them, I KNOW..." But it was something that NEEDED to be written. We must take a step back, and see things logically to heal ourselves.
I know this is tough for some read, and some are probably thinking "OH what do you know, you don't know them, I KNOW..." But it was something that NEEDED to be written. We must take a step back, and see things logically to heal ourselves.
Remember, not every douche bag, is a Narc... but some are!
So how do you recognize a Narc??? How do you know if your ex - BF, GF, Friend, family member, etc was a Narc? The fun part, you don't really know for sure :/ Unless an actual therapist diagnosis them, there really is no 100% way to know.
If you think you have encountered one, get into a support group. There are some amazing ones online!!! If you run into someone your pretty sure is a Narc, RUN THE OTHER WAY!!! Work on yourself, and leave them in the past!
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