This post is different from the last one, more so a bit of advice or knowledge to share...
I have had people treat me like this before, and it doesn't feel good. I know whats going on, yet I can't seem to break away... I know they don't treat me how they should... yet I can't seem to break away... I know they are not good people, horrible friends, selfish, self-centered, etc... yet I don't break away... I'm not sure why either???
Either way you should be able to talk to your friends, express your feelings without them being turned around on you, you should be able to have friends who appreciate you, respect you, and are as loyal as you are to them. Yet when you try to talk to them, they flip out at you, and are incapable of having an adult conversation and work things out. Nothing is ever their fault, they are perfect. Your feelings, your plans, your thoughts, nothing about you matters... just them and their life.
ON to the information I was discussing... :D
An AMAZING friend of mine wrote this, and I felt that it was so profound and informative and true that I needed to share it!!! Lizz you are a brilliant person and will make an amazing therapist!!!
"Done playing the 'victim'? Here are some key tips for avoiding the predator's traps, and to empower yourself. You are vulnerable, you've been hurt before. . . who hasn't?! However, unlike others, the result of your pain and bad experiences has made you altruistic. You have turned it around and broken the chain, you want to help others avoid the pain you have experienced, you want to help ease any pain they may be in now. . . especially the emotional kind. This makes you vulnerable to the 'emotional manipulators' of the world (e.g., Narcissists, Sociopaths, Borderline Personality Disorders, Bi-Polar people, etc.). You want to help everybody, and maybe you just don't want to say 'No' because you assume that people are basically good, and because you are honest they will be too.
However, this is not always the case and I am going to help you discern between the sheep and wolves in sheep's clothing:
How to spot an emotional predator 101
1. They have ZERO sense of accountability, NOTHING is ever their fault. They hook you in with a SAD story and then begin to shape and mold you into what they need.
2. Everything is ALL ABOUT THEM; if you have a headache, they have a tumor. . . if you tell a funny story they immediately get the spotlight back on themselves and tell a hundred funny stories about themselves & their family. If you mention it (e.g., "Wow, that was rude") they will turn it on you and make you out to be a selfish attention-whore (accusing you of being what they are).
3. They try to make you think you are INSANE. You can tell these people "You said. . ." and they will immediately deny ever saying anything like that, then turn it on you as being too sensitive or not sensitive enough, etc. You will end up apologizing for having feelings or wanting to feel respected. If you are dealing with one of these, I recommend a voice-activated recorder or you carry a notepad & pen. . . better yet, sweep them to the curb and don't look back!
4. Honesty is NEVER the best policy with these types. They will twist your words and throw them back at you faster than you can say 'Shit!" and the more you try to honestly confront them they will twist your words and add their spin to them and wrap you up in them. For example you say "I was upset that you flaked on me yesterday. . .you said you'd be there for sure." and the manipulator says "You know I am going through a lot right now, how can you be mad at me?!! Let me just drop what's going on in my life and run to go shoe shopping with you!!! Fuck!!" then you end up apologizing for being so selfish and blah. blah. blah. Guess what friend, you have just been fed a shit sandwich and you ate it, now the manipulator will feed you many more because it worked this time. Basically, if you are trivialized and the other person is Glorified at all times...more important than you....just 86 that person from your world. Seriously, who wants to eat shit sandwiches...ick!!!
5. They never ask for anything straight away, they hint. They 'beat around the bush', they MANIPULATE you into offering!!! Example: manipulator knows you are going to the mountains to see the snow, manipulator says "I wish I could go up to the mountain and play in the snow, <sigh> but I can't. My car isn't running and I have no money to fix it." You respond "Oh...HEY!! Why don't you go with me, I'm going up on Friday!!" Manipulator says "Well, I would <sigh> but I know I'll probably get hungry and want a drink and I have no money." You say "No Problem, I'll buy you lunch!! Say you'll go with me!!" Manipulator says "I don't know, I don't have a coat. . . snow is pretty cold" You say "I'll buy you a coat!!" or "You can have one of mine!". . . .
Don't play into this....when they say their car is broken, no money, blah, blah, you say "Aw...bummer...well when you get it fixed let me know and we'll all go to the mountain!"
Letting a 'ho-hummer' manipulate you this way show them that you are stupid enough to fall for it, you are easy prey, and you love giving all your stuff away to this person. . . cut them off at the quick. Don't feed into this!!!
I hope this helps you to identify the wolves in sheep's clothing, trust me, no matter how sad their story is or no matter what they say. . . they don't NEED your help they are strong, conniving, and tough enough to survive (If they made a real effort). The 'sheep', the people like you (who needed someone once) will be direct, humble, honest, and WORTHY.
Questions????"
So yes, questions... what are you thoughts? Have you done this to people? Have you taken advantage of them?? It's ok to admit it, just change it... Have you had this happen? I'm sure many of us have...
Awww! Thank you :) I hope it helps people :)
ReplyDeleteI hope it does too!!! Excellent advice :D
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