Narcissists… emotional predators… we all know one… and unfortunately we WILL encounter more
In this blog, I will focus on the subject of how to live
with or deal with a narcissists, because lets face it, we WILL have many more
come into our lives… there is nothing short of moving to a deserted island that
we can do to prevent this. Narcs are
great at hiding in public, and showing themselves only when you know what to
look for.
You will encounter them at work, school, neighborhoods,
groups of friends, etc… pretty much anywhere and everywhere… So once in this situation where you have to
deal with them, how do you do it? How do
we handle the emotional abuse…
I am writing this blog through my own experience of my
situation. I have a family member
staying with me who is a total Narcissist, I’m sad to say I didn’t realize this
tell a few weeks ago. I’ve also noticed
the older he got, the worse the symptoms got.
Sad really. Do I still love
him? Of course I do! But after realizing that he’s a Narc… it has
made my patience so much shorter. I’m
pretty much pissed off and annoyed with him all the time. The emotional abuse during one of his “tantrums”
(as I like to call them cause Narcs remind me of a misbehaving toddler lol) can
be so extreme at times it’s unreal!!! This
is not healthy.
I must also deal with Narcs in a professional school
setting. This again is highly
frustrating, while I know what and who they are, it’s still a lot of aggression
and aggravation. Which has made
attending classes a chore, something I no longer look forward to
attending.
So, once you realize your dealing with a Narc, and you have
to keep dealing with them because of some situation, what do you do? How do you deal with it??? Well, here are some ways…
- Acknowledge and accept – First, realize what this person is, while it is annoying, frustrating, and stressful, this is who they are, and there really isn’t much you can do. Accepting that this is who they are, and knowing what they are is the first step, this usually will help alleviate some of the internal emotional problems (not all mind you… lol) but it will help you to realize that what they are doing is not a reflection of you, but them.
- Boundaries – this is highly important also. What you will and wont put up with and accept is important to know. Some types behaviors really is so immature and petty it’s not worth arguing over, so letting that go, however don’t let everything go, or you’ll just be run over. Knowing what you will and won’t put up with, and setting healthy boundaries will help you keep your sanity.
- Self-Esteem – building your own self-esteem is highly
important. This will help you with
fighting off the emotional abuse put on by the Narc. The Narc is sure not to help you with this, so find ways to help yourself, and build your own self-confidence and esteem.
- Gaslighting – understand what Narcs do, and how they do them. If you understand the tricks they use, you can help build up a resistance to them.
- Support System – build a great support system for yourself. Other family and friends that are compassionate, understanding, and encouraging. Having someone to go to, or somewhere to go when things get a bit too stressful is a huge help.
- Emotional Outbursts – so they are attacking you, they were having a bad day and how dare you not pamper them? Whatever the reason, when they are on the rampage don’t put up with it! Don’t let them run you over, make their actions the main focus, explain your disappointment with their actions, words, behavior, you can ask for an apology, but being a Narc you probably won’t get a genuine one, they will repeat this behavior again and again. If they won’t listen, then neither should you! Walk away, it’s not worth it. To sit and argue with them will gain you nothing.
- Be Firm – they will demand, throw tantrums, do everything
they can to get their way, however, don’t fold don’t bend. Learn to use words in benefit to yourself,
learn how to talk around them, how to negotiate any situation.
- Talk about it – talk to your friends and family, don’t hold it in. If you need to go out and vent, do so! It will help you to feel better.
- Hobbies – find some new hobbies, things you enjoy doing. Maybe going on a walk, or reading/writing, art, etc… anything that you enjoy doing … DO IT!!! Spend as much time doing things you enjoy to do.
- Exercise – eating right, and exercising has been proven to help mood. It builds up all those happy endorphins that your body and brain need to function right and feel great! Feeling great will help with stress, and other issues.
- Patience – having the gift of patience is also important. Dealing with a Narc is like dealing with a 2 year old that is constantly having a temper tantrum. Being able to deal with this is a skill that will come in handy.
- Self-care – self-care is HUGE!!! Take time out for yourself. Like stated earlier with hobbies, exercise, etc. Take a long bath, get a mani/pedi, go for a hike, take a vacation (mini vaca – day long excursions to places) anything that will help distress you.
Remember, sometimes we are stuck in situations where we must
deal with a Narc, and there really isn’t much we can do. But understanding the things we can do to
preserve our own sanity and emotions is highly important on our own mental and
emotional survival.
So, those are some of the idea’s I’ve read about and a few I
learned myself. What others can you
think of???
Sources:
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/12/27/how-to-live-with-a-narcissist/
http://www.drsapadin.com/articles/live-with-narcissist.php
Nice article...well done!
ReplyDelete