Bullying = Abuse!!!

Bullying is something serious… something most all of us will experience in one form in our lifetime (either seeing it, having it done to us, or doing it to someone else…)

Understanding what bullying is, and its effects can help us out a lot. 

Types of Bullying

Emotional/Mental – this is when someone is emotionally abuse to you, verbally or physically, they will berate you, demean you, knock you down.  Use of Sarcastic comments they believe are funny, meant to embarrasses you, and hurt you, to lower your value in your eyes and in others eyes.

Verbal – similar to emotional and mental, except this is only through words not physical contact.  Name calling, racism, gender issues, socioeconomic, religion, etc… sarcastic comments, talking behind someone’s back, making offensive comments, etc…

Physical – any type of physical contact (pushing, hitting, kicking, punching, etc…), also throwing things and destroying things are included in physical bullying.

Intimidation/social isolation – threatening someone, using threats or blackmail to get someone to do what you want them to do, also spreading rumors, making fun of uniqueness in individuals, excluding someone specifically from a group of friends.

Cyberbullying – this has become even more popular in most recent years. Harassing someone online, through social networks, emails, websites, chat rooms, cell phones (calls or texts), videos (like youtube), anything online, or over the phone, or other technological arenas. 

Indirectly – this can be done by bullying someone else, the effects that someone has in witnessing this, those around them, etc… also this affects those in the life of the bullied.  They can develop personality/emotional issues that spill over into their personal lives.

How does a bully or bullying effect lives???  In SOOOO many ways, it’s not just their target that bullying will impact.  Those who witness the bullying will also have a reaction to bullying, the family and friends of the person who is bullied will also suffer some ill effects….

Effects of Bullying

Kids who are bullied experience a wide range of negative issues.  They can suffer from anxiety and/or depression, eating problems, loss of sleep, loss of interest in their hobbies, their school/work will also suffer – their performance will drop.

Those who witness bulling will also suffer some negative issues, including a possibly drop in attendance of work/school, can also suffer from depression or anxiety, and has an increased use of substances (like alcohol, drugs, tobacco, etc…)

It is also important to note the issues associated with those who bully others.  Bully’s will typically also participate in other negative behaviors (violence, drugs, etc)…  They are typically involved in promiscuity, turn into narcissists, have criminal records (traffic, more violent, etc…), and have a higher probability to be more abuse towards romantic partners, or friends.

As for my personal view/Experience:

Growing up I was lucky to have grown up in a location and attended a school where bullying really didn’t exist.  I never had first-hand experience with it really.  However, when I got older, I saw it multiple times, and have experienced it also.

I have experienced bullying in a professional arena (graduate school), and with friendships.  Both cases I will speak of are narcissistic bully’s. 

In school I have had the unfortunate experience to deal with a bully who uses emotional, mental,

intimidation, socially isolative, and verbal bullying.  These “mean girls” as they are called, walk around as if they own everything.  They treat others horribly, show no respect, intimidate others, make sarcastic comments in front of everyone, and exclude others.  They do these things to everyone who is not in their little “clique”….  This has taken its toll on a few others including me.  Stress is the main one, while we know what and who they are, ignoring them does not always work.  My blood will boil, and I get very angry.  Because it is a professional area, there really is not much that can be said in return.  They are great at saying things in a way they can protect themselves.  Hence, causing stress.  However, as time has gone one, ignoring has become quit easier. 

Another area I will talk of is friendships.  After years of friendship, during this time I was emotionally, verbally, mentally (other ways but I can’t place them) was bullied.  Sarcastic comments were constant.  I would make excuses for the behavior of this person.  Stating that it was just a shell, this wasn’t who they really were.  Yet it took its toll severely.  These comments become so common it was every single time I saw them.  Yet I would always include them, always have their back.  They were very rude, spoiled, with a sense of entitlement, didn’t care about anyone but themselves.  I saw the signs, I began to realize what I was dealing with.  I had started to come to the conclusion and made the decision that this was not the type of person I want in my life.  However, before I could sever this tie in a mature way, the tie was broken and not on my end.  In typical true narcissist or bully fashion, the second I stood up for myself once, the friendship was over, end of file, done…   Which did nothing but proved my previous suspicion of narcissism and a bully.  Speaking with several people in a professional therapeutic area, my suspicions were again conformed.  While I am glad this relation is over, I still suffer the effects of being drawn into a world of a narcissistic bully.  The emotional and mental abuse from the things done have stuck with me, and it’s taken some time to get past this.  It still hurts.  I think what hurts most is that I was stupid enough to believe they were an actual friend, that they valued the friendship as much as I did, that it meant something.  That because I was loyal they would be.  That because if they needed anything I would be there in a flash, yet never had that returned…

However, it is important to note, that while these bully’s will leave a lasting impact, and you will feel guilty, and hurt because of what happened, the problem is with THEM! Not you!  They are not good people, and not the people you want in your life.  They won’t realize who they are, they won’t see a problem.  They will portray themselves the victim.  They will say things behind your back, make things up, and excuses.  You cannot accept a relationship strictly on the good, you must take the arguments and bad with it, when this is not accepted, GET OUT!!!  These are narcissists, you are not allowed to threaten them, to stand up for yourself, anything…

Time goes on, you will heal eventually.  Hopefully with this blog, we can all keep our eyes open and stop the pattern of abuse.  This is abuse, that is what bullying is, ABUSE! 

Treat others with respect, be kind...  don't be responsible to for stealing someone's sunshine... and don't be a participant of it either.  By participating, or by seeing it and doing/saying nothing - by doing this you are just as guilty.  

Again, an important point that must be made, is bullying has a high link to suicide!  If you see or hear or know of anyone being bullied or a bully, please step in!!!